Stare

Recently, I was walking through a store without my glasses on. I had my sunglasses on top of my head and I did not bother with getting out my glasses from my car. I passed a mirror and was shocked by how retracted my left eyelid was.

Is this how everyone sees me? Is it really that noticeable? Is my stare that bad?

I then chose to purposely continue to pass by mirrors in this store to see if the stare in my left eye was still was wonky as I imagined it to be. And sure enough it was. I put my sunglasses on and tried to shake it off as best I could.

I am writing an article now so you can see how well I was able to shake it off.

Perspective

I wear glasses every day. My distance vision is not that great unless I really focus on it. Honestly, I really wear them every day for 2 reasons.

1. The blue light lenses in my glasses helps protect my eyes while I stare at screens all day.
2. To hide the differences in my eyes from thyroid eye disease (TED)

I like how my glasses suit my face and add a layer of protection of people not noticing my eyes as much. There is a possibility people don’t see it or it’s not as jarring to them as it is to me because it’s not their eyes. The people who know me are probably more used to my changing eyes than I am because I don’t see my reflection every second of the day.

Out of sight, out of mind

While I don’t think about how different my eyes are very often, this experience seeing myself without glasses while out in public has me wondering maybe I should. Maybe I should be focusing on what I can’t see more. But what will that change? Other than me being annoyed that how I think I appear isn’t what people see?

No one is thinking about me as much as I am thinking about me. That’s how most human in life are. If we don’t think about ourselves and put ourselves first, then who is?

I don’t hyper focus on my appearance change that often now. I did, in the beginning of thyroid eye disease, and it was so jarring to see. Now I’m so numb to it because it’s been my reality for almost 6 years at this point. It’s not shocking unless I catch a glimpse of how much different my eyes appear without me expecting to see it.

Living with my changed appearance from thyroid eye disease

The most devastating part of thyroid eye disease is that you do not have a choice in what’s happening to you. Or what has happened to you. It comes in and changes every thought process, every outlook, every detail of your eyes. You don’t realize how much your eyes are a central part of your reality until they change drastically and suddenly.

My symptoms are long gone and my eyes are forever changed. But they aren’t changed enough to undergo surgery. I live with my changes.

No one’s noticing my eyes the way I do and I don’t even notice them most of the time. They feel as close to normal as ever and that’s far more important to me than how they appear.