Dry Season

This year, in the area where I live, the weather has been particularly abnormal so far. I have experienced really dry and really cold days mixed with the occasional snowfall. With the welcoming of spring and the weather continuing to be all over the place, my skin and eyes have particularly dry.

Morning joys

I wake up in the morning with cracked lips and red skin around my eyes. I sometimes have to brush away the eye mucus that’s stuck to my lashes while I was sleeping. I know what I am experiencing is caused by the change in weather. A warm day one day can lead to cold weather the next day.

The unpredictability of winter and spring makes me feel quite frustrated. But then I remember this is nothing compared to the thyroid eye disease (TED) symptoms that took over my life for almost 3 years.

Pre-thyroid eye disease eye irritation

Before I had TED, for a few years in the springtime, I would get extremely itchy eyes. I rubbed them like crazy, making them even redder than they already were. They itched to the point where I had to go to eye doctor and get prescription eye drops to lessen the irritation. Looking back, I feel as though this was setting me up for years of having uncomfortable symptoms from TED.

Post-thyroid eye disease

A feeling of irritated eyes brings back memories of uncontrollable irritation from TED. I may be far removed from this disease in my daily life but one moment and boom, I am back to feeling the way I did a few years ago. These feelings linger even when I thought I had let go the minute the symptoms left me alone.

I am a year and a half removed from experiencing TED symptoms in my daily life. Yet it still amazes me how quickly these feelings come back up to the surface. My eye irritation now is nowhere near as bad as it was when I thick of the disease, but it’s very reminiscent of that time in my life.

Rational thoughts

I know what I experience now on my bad days with my eyes is nowhere as extreme or consistent as it was with TED. I tell myself this is not even an ounce of the pain and frustration I experienced when my eyes were going through it.

Every rational thought I have is met with vulnerable emotions stemming from the scars formed on my memory from this disease. I am well aware a bout of irritation isn’t terrible. It’s from worry about my TED returning. Although it still impacts my day just the same. I lay low. I avoid light. I sleep a lot. It’s like I revert back to how I dealt with TED because I knew how to comfort myself when my eyes were uncontrollable.

Practicing self-love

Most of all, my uncontrollable eyes make me feel anxious. Anxiety takes over my body. My muscles tense every time I feel my eyes water. Without realizing it, I am anticipating the worst because of what I experienced when I had TED. In these moments, all I can do is meet myself with love and gratitude. I remind myself I am going to be okay and I will repeat that all day even when my muscles refuse to lessen their tension.