A woman is in a field of flowers seeing double and feeling her closed eyes.

Holding Onto My TED Feelings

I recently had a dream I had double vision. It was the strangest dream ever. Everything I was looking at in this dream was doubled. I woke up, trying to catch my breath.

I never dreamed of seeing double before. Not when I had double vision from thyroid eye disease (TED), or after the symptoms went away. And honestly, I was sort of shocked to return to my single vision reality.

Was this a sign?

This dream made me question for a second if this could be a sign of something to come. Have I ever believed in this thinking that dreams could predict the future before this slight moment of panic? No. Did I actually believe this anxious thought I was having could be a reality in my future? Not really. But it did make me think about the ways my body and brain have held onto my TED feelings and emotions even though I no longer experience the symptoms.

Allergies bring up memories

This spring, I had a lot of seasonal allergies that caused my eyes to be very red and extremely itchy. Which in part caused an anxiety reaction I was not fully prepared for. It is the kind of anxiety that caused my whole back to tense up. I rubbed my shoulders, rolled my neck, and tried to relieve some of the tension from what I could not control. The automatic response my body made when being unable to control my eyes reminded me of TED. It is hard to believe I lived this way for years.

I was constantly stressed, and extremely uncomfortable physically in my own skin. I was unable to shake this feeling. One very highly uncomfortable eye irritation from allergies and weather, and I was back to feeling something I thought I had gotten rid of almost 2 years ago.

I thought I would never feel this pain in my body again. I know this was not TED. I told myself to breathe. My body continued to tense tighter with every reminder of what used to be. It might as well be the same for my body.

More prepared: Why I might be holding onto my TED feelings

I do not spend my days worrying about my TED coming back. However, my body and my brain went through a life-altering shift and a traumatic thing with having this disease. It is only natural that being reminded of the disease brought up these responses because I now know what living with this disease is like.

I was not prepared for my life to be turned upside down the way that it was. I sense that how I responded was my body and brain reverting to what protected me for so long while I was in the midst of it. It is an automatic action that I am unknowingly always ready to revert back to even when everything is fine.

Just in case it happens again, now I know how to survive it. I did it once. I do not think I will have to do it again. I have no expectations or thinking that this disease will be active again. But I know what to do now.

Featured Forum

View all responses caret icon

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The ThyroidEyeDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.