Finding My Creativity Again
I am a creative person. I love writing poetry, stories, and journaling. I got a BA in creative writing from Metropolitan State University of Denver and graduated with Cum Laude honors.
I have been posting poems on my blog for the last 9 years. Writing has allowed me to make sense of my thoughts and the world around me. Photography has expanded my view of nature and the beauty in everyday life.
When I was diagnosed with thyroid eye disease (TED), my creativity faded. I did not write as much. I went weeks without journaling. I stopped taking photos of things I used to love. My reality became very insular to what I was experiencing and the ways I dealt with the anxiety of it all.
State of overwhelm
One might think having a rare diagnosis would cause me to see life in a new way. I had unlocked a new perspective thanks to TED. I sometimes wish I was like that. But alas, I am not.
For a long time after I was diagnosed, I was stuck in a state of overwhelm. When I feel overwhelming feelings, I do not write. Because writing makes it real. And I did not want to remember all of these feelings I was having. They were all so negative. I felt lost and frustrated by what I could not control with having this disease.
The photos I have of those years are stagnant and repetitive. Lots of photos of my eyes, which have since been deleted. Some photos of my pets when they were being cute. Maybe the outdoors every now and then, but it hurt to step outside which made the want to take a photo less desirable.
Out of the routine: Loss of creativity because of thyroid eye disease
Even after my symptoms for TED faded, I still did not write. Or I wrote something and then forgot about it. My relationship with writing had been so distant for years, it felt like too much work to find a routine again.
If I am being totally honest, I had a lot of self-doubt. I knew I could write but it was not going anywhere. I was scared to put in the effort because I was afraid it would not amount to anything. I was obsessed with writing in my early 20s. However being diagnosed with TED at 25 and not writing much after made me question my abilities.
I had been so out of practice and was just trying to survive and strive in my everyday life to get back to work after not working for so long that I would not post on my blog as much. I went weeks without writing a poem. That is when I knew I needed to change.
Where I am now
If TED taught me anything, it’s to go with the flow when life throws you something unexpected. And like this disease, not all of what I write will be good. It takes work and routine to write. Writing about my TED has helped me find my creativity again. In retrospect, it has helped me see a perspective I would not have found on my own.
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